cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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