In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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