..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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