Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
