Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
