toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
