Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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