She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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