I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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