I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
