i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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