Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
