I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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