Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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