Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
