Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
