Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
