Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
