Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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