JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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