i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
