I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
