i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
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you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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