Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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