roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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