I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
