You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
