dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
