I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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