She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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