I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
