Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
