So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
