Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
