Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
