Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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