he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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