thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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