Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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