Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
