There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
