She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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