What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
