now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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