Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize