this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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