Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
