Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
