I just threw up on my dentist
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
