I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
