Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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