I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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