Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
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I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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