I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
