My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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