I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
