My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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