Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
