I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
