I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
