I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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