I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
