there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
