I have demons in me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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