who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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