Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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