so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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