my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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