you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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